Police are trying to trace a customer who barged past protesters who were glued to the doors of a bank. Protesters had stuck one hand to either side of a doorframe and linked their hands to create a human barrier across the entrance of RBS bank in Castle Square, North Street, Brighton, during the Smash EDO protest on the afternoon of Wednesday October 13.(If you want to know who SmashEDO are, have a look here. They are a pretty violent bunch of activists - the name kinda gives that away - and the website is full of 'smash' this and 'target' that - all pretty much standard 1970s student activist talk. Apparently, they want to 'smash' EDO, a scandal-hit American defence company owned by ITT and they think that stopping Mrs Mop from cashing a cheque to pay for the milk will help. OK, so generic anti-war protesters, then.)
Anyway, a group of these protesters decided to cause some trouble for RBS in Brighton, and superglued their hands to the bank's door frame. A customer presumably got a little frustrated and pushed his (or her?) way in (or out). The results were predictably painful:
Detective Constable Rex Petty said: "The protesters' barrier prevented people leaving and disrupted the work of the bank, upsetting both staff and customers. The pair left after a customer barged past the couple, who unwittingly caused the protesters' skin to be left on the doorframe.Now, to be fair, that must have been very painful, and will probably be painful for some weeks until the skin has grown back. Just a minute ...
Sorry, just had to get a tissue. My sides are aching.
OK. The police obviously haven't identified the man, as they are "keen to trace" him, as he "may be able to provide further evidence". I'll bet. They've arrested the two people involved in the protest, so they'll be after the customer for assault occasioning actual bodily harm, I would imagine. Can you imagine the judge's summing up?
As you deliberately glued your hands to the doorframe, you must have been aware that this was a risky enterprise, and that anyone wishing to transact his normal business in the bank might have become impatient and pushed past you. The consequence of losing all the skin off the palms of your hands was not unforeseeable, and I therefore judge that you are the author of your own misfortune, and that no offence has been committed. I award costs against you of £500 to RBS for disrupting their lawful business, and £500 to the NHS for wasting their limited resources. The inability to wipe your own bottom or indulge in the practice of onanism for three months is a penalty which Mother Nature and your own foolishness have prescribed for you, for that is beyond the remit of this Court.It won't happen, will it?
If they catch the guy who did it, he will be in the slammer for GBH and the protesters will be up for some serious compo, mark my words. I mean, how very dare anyone push roughly past some innocent people who were only engaged in a perfectly legitimate protest against the war machine?
I hope they don't, as the guy is a fucking hero.